Life in L Plates by Kayla Bauer

Author:Kayla Bauer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2019-08-08T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 16. THE ARTISTS WAY

I continued working with Audrey for ten weeks (the maximum time the government would contribute financially towards). We discussed many elements of life, but it always seemed to come back to trust. Trust in myself. Trust in others. Trust in my decisions.

I’m sure it’s fairly obvious by now that I have a strange obsession with labels. I’ve always used them to define myself. I’ve wanted them, craved them, needed them and worked tirelessly for them. I’ve worn them proudly, allowing them to consume me and everything I do. I’ve used them to define who I am, what I stand for, what I look like and how others treat me. School Captain, Ballerina, Straight-A Student, Journalist, TV Presenter, PR girl, Vegetarian and WAG, just to name a few.

I proudly morphed into each label for a few years. I became that character, immersing myself in its world, living by its rules, playing its game and obeying well. And each time a label wore off, I found myself back at the doctor’s, unsure of who I was and what direction I was headed for. Terrified of the extremes.

Part of my healing and learning process with Audrey was understanding why I make these seemingly extreme decisions. What motivates me to take on a new costume, what motivates me take it off, and why do I struggle to just be me?

Audrey said that these traits are quite common for a writer, a creative. Creatives tend to live erratically, craving new experiences and extremes. Writers in particular indulge in new areas, learning and absorbing all they can. Then when they feel they’ve drawn it all out they move on.

According to Audrey I am a typical ‘writer’—an explorer with a constant thirst for knowledge and experiences, and a relentless desire to share. I explore different areas of life until I feel satisfied. Then, and only then, am I able to move on.

This is not a flaw. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. However, it is something to be cautious of. I can’t move on from a situation until I feel I have achieved enough; until I’ve ticked that box, succeeded in that world, received that label.

Sadly, I believe this is why letting go of my past relationship has been so difficult. I never married him. I never ticked that box. It’s like working for six years at university or on a trade and then never getting that final certificate. Never really completing it.

To help me understand my creative personality better, Audrey introduced me to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. This book explains the common traits of an artist—how to understand them, use them, thrive from them and manage them. In essence, it is a guide to living (and surviving) an artist’s life.

It is a text book of sorts, the pages filled with powerful tools we can use (creative or not) to help shape our lives into better lives. It contains suggestions, exercises and insights into who we are, what motivates us and how we can pull through difficult situations.

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